So, what can I do here in this world?
Why do I have this longing to make a difference when it doesn't seem like I will ever be able to accomplish anything worthwhile?
And why does it cost so much to follow your dreams anyway? It's ridiculous. I know my Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills, but, as someone has said, "It sure doesn't seem like he's sending those cattle my way."
Probably my favorite verse, Philippians 4:13, states, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." I believe this and claim it all the time, but it's not easy to trust that my future is in God's control. I'm like, "Yea, God has a plan and all, but nothing will ever happen unless I act. If I don't do something now, my life is going to go by before I've done anything that will truly matter and count for eternity."
Funny thing is, I might be able to get more of the things done that I need to do right now if I didn't spend so much time worrying that I'm going to vegetate once I graduate! Needless to say, I don't have it all figured out right now, despite the pressure that I keep getting from everyone to make those huge decisions about my future.
Why do adults always ask you what you're going to do when you grow up anyway? It gets annoying. How should I know? I've heard it said, "It's because they're looking for ideas." Ok, that's funny. Maybe it's true.
So, I guess all these random thoughts boil down to one thing. Trust. Do I really trust God? I mean, like, enough to be content if he wants me to stay at home rather than go to college? That's a hard question.
I've been reading in the Old Testament about the children of Israel and their days wandering in in the wilderness. Talk about being stuck in an undesirable rut! They got themselves into that predicament when they stopped trusting God. He does all this crazy-awesome stuff for them, and then they decide He isn't big enough to give them what He'd promised. Ridiculous? Absolutely. After all He'd done, you'd think they might have learned a thing or two, but they keep doing what they think is best. Pretty soon, they're dashing headlong into some other disaster because they couldn't wait and trust God.
Maybe I could learn something from their mistakes. I don't want to dash headlong into something God's not a part of and make a big mess. I'm not saying I'll ruin my life by not choosing the right career or college or job. But I could create a bunch of unnecessary problems by creating a huge college debt or compromising to get money or flunking college because I haven't formed good habits (not like that could ever happen, right?).
So, for now, I need to explore my options, talk to my parents, then lean on, trust in, and rely on God. Simple? Not really. But worth it.
JPK
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